“Being Honest with our Grief”

 

 

"Let me be free
to speak of
my bitterness."
Job 7:11

 

Why are we so afraid to be honest with our pain, grief, anger, and loneliness? This silence, this mask we wear, stunts our spiritual growth. Are we afraid we’ll look to the world like “losers” or to the church as less spiritual? Are we afraid to truly face these raw emotions? Do we worry we might make God look bad? Zoom into the conversation we have here in scripture and hear Job's ache and frustrations exposed and we can learn from him. Under the guidance of the Holy Spirit the scriptures have allowed us to read the conversation between friends and the subject of suffering. Just like we are also able to hear David as he calls out from the depth of his soul pain. And what a vision we have of grief in the way Hannah demonstrated her pain. The Bible is filled with honest human emotions that are appropriate to feel. We see that God commended Job for his honesty. We also see that God does not explain to Job all the reasons for the suffering.

What wisdom we can learn in the valley and how close God is to the broken hearted. Years ago, I was struggling with such heavy grief that I approached my pastor to see if our church had any kind of grief group I could attend. Since we’ve never had one of these groups, my pastor thought it would be a great idea if I started one. My first reaction was, "Really, should the person who is suffering in grief be the one who should lead the group?" The answer was, “Yes!” What healing there has been as I prepared and read many books about this subject. Each time I waited on the Lord to guide me on how I should lead this group was another form of healing. As I prayed for each woman to have the courage to join us, my own ache began to lessen.

Anytime we fill our hearts with other peoples’ needs, or spend time in the Lord’s presence, our own aches seem to minimize. I’ve watched throughout the years each woman face their pain, face their past, and give an honest voice to that pain. I have watched each woman walk closer to God. Their circumstances may not have changed and neither have mine but we have caught a deeper vision of God. This group offers a safe harbor to share our hearts. My dear friend Laurie started in my group the first year I offered it to our church. Now she has stepped out in faith to co-lead with me. I have seen her use her pain to comfort others and I have seen such lovely growth in her as she ministers God’s grace to others. Another friend, who goes to a different church, came to our first grief group and now leads one at her church. Her situation hasn’t changed but she has taken her heartache and used it to give others help. This is what God calls each of us to do. We give God the glory as we go forward in this ministry of healing!

This ministry is one of the ways it means to bear one another’s burdens. This is compassion--shared hurt. We are there to listen and not judge. We are there to allow the Holy Spirit to make our hearts whole again. That timing will be different for each person. We come with different reasons, different baggage, and we have learned what it means to walk in someone else’s shoes. Some have the childhood scars of abuse. Others are there because their parent, mate, or child has died. Some come because of the stress of taking care of a handicapped child. Divorce might bring one. Another might come because there’s a cloak of sadness surrounding them and they may not even know why. We all have lost dreams of some kind. Our group is there to be open and sharing as we look to see what God has planned for us now. Each woman has learned something from another person's pain. It might be a new perspective, a new way to look at their life story. Grace and patience abound as we wait on the Lord. As He speaks into our lives we begin to have a thankful heart again. It’s the work of the Lord for sure. Job needed to be able to voice his doubts, pain, fears, anguish... and so do we. What most people would be shocked about is the amount of laughter we enjoy. Since we aren't afraid to go into the deep place, we aren't afraid of having a good belly laugh at how life goes on. Some of these gals have become my closest friends. God wants all of us to be transparent; we only need to take off our masks.

May it be our desire that we be women who live in the present and are aware of the world around us. May we take notice of the blessings God gifts to each of us, and always long to hear His whispers. Shall we also pray with a more purposeful focus on God’s will? And as we stay connected in our relationship with Christ, we will become more thankful followers. Let us commit to doing this together! Close your eyes…Open your heart, let God’s Spirit empower you today.